So far, I have managed to write on the blog every day – but then it’s only day 3. I’ve just come back in after feeding the chickens and letting them out of their coops, that’s always the first thing I do. This morning, I have to drink a cold coffee that I made the night before and have to go without breakfast until about 10am because I can’t go into the kitchen upstairs for a while. At least I was able to prepare a coffee even though it’s not the same like a nice, fresh, hot coffee. This is the problem of not having your own home, of not living in a place where you can move around freely at any time of the day, any day of the week.
This morning, yesterday’s headache is gone, however, there’s a feeling of sadness. I know what the day will be like – just like any other day. I could leave here but where would I go? Moving around is expensive, flatting is expensive and I do not have a home. I am in a country I did not grow up in and I don’t even know yet whether I am allowed to stay. That’s why I am in a state of uncertainty. I would like to start a new life but at the moment, I can’t. And if I’d leave here, the poor chickens would be very neglected. The people here don’t care much about the animals and their needs. Animals mean work and work is something not liked very much here. That’s why they have someone like me – if only they’d treat me a bit better, at least with more respect.
Maybe I need to organize a taxi to come here and pick me up, so I can be away for a few hours. It will be expensive because I live in a rural area (and I do not have a driver’s licence even though people think that’s odd for someone my age). But I don’t want to go with the farmer’s wife anywhere again after I overheard her talking about what a hassle it is to take me to town with her. It made me angry because I always ever went to town with her when she went anyway. She often needs to go shopping or go to meetings. That’s the times I went with her, she dropped me off on the way and picked me up on the way back. She didn’t even have to make any detours. Yet, she was complaining behind my back, saying I’m not grateful enough. I thanked her often enough, plus transport is actually part of my contract with them. I do extra hours so often, get nothing in return but the knowledge that the animals with be happier, and yet, I’m the one called ungrateful! So I’d rather pay a taxi than having to drive with her ever again.
I’ve been living here for a bit over a year and I wonder where the kindness of people has gone?