I have been to a Lucy Lawless concert last year and I felt quite out of place and disillusioned at the end of it – I felt like I had no right to just be someone who respects and admires Lucy without wanting to tear her clothing off her. Damn it, why does everyone make you feel like you HAVE to be a lesbian to like Lucy? Anyway, when I learned that Lucy had come out after the show, I was also quite disappointed because I wondered what it would be like to talk to her – most likely something I’ll never find out, not even in my dreams.
In the dream, it was like in many other situation – I was there alone and I even was seated in an area for people who came alone. I was the only one sitting there and the only other person who sat there was seated there because she was waiting for someone who was late. The show started and Lucy looked fantastic, it clearly must have been something more classy.
I wish I remembered what Lucy said. Then there was a break and everyone left the hall. I went back early because I had no one to talk to outside and felt out of place between all the couples and groups of friends. So I went back to the side row for people like me and started reading. Lucy was in an area next to the stage, talking to some of the crew. She noticed me and started walking towards me. And guess what, I woke up….. For no good reason. No crowing roosters, no cats scaring chickens, no thunderstorm, no alarm. Even in my dreams I am not allowed to talk to one of the very few people who might have to say something I might need to hear….
I wonder whether Lucy Lawless would even talk to me if we ever met and there’d actually be time for a little conversation. Maybe if I was a famous author – but would she talk to someone who would like her as a mentor? Probably not. Maybe I’m not crazy enough to get attention. Not loud enough, not outstanding enough. Not lesbian enough.
I wonder whether I will ever see Lucy again in any way. I don’t even know yet whether I will be allowed to stay in the country or not. Maybe I could write a letter to her and if they tell me to leave, I could put it in my will that it was my last will for her to receive that letter. It’s sad. Here I am, I have been in this country most of the time since 2005, have done nothing wrong legally, am no problem for society, don’t need any welfare, don’t even interact with much of the country because I live on a farm in the middle of nowhere… and yet immigration might not let me stay and be the reason for the end of me. At least the energy that is responsible for dreams could give me a bit of a break and let something good happen!