I’ve just noticed that I ended the last couple of posts with the word “hopeless”…. so I guess I’m not really being that nice to myself. It’s not all that bad when I give myself a chance. I AM still writing, but not as much and not as well as I would like to. I am currently keeping a really little writing book and a pen next to my bed because I had an idea for a book during a dream a few days ago. So I wrote the outline of the first few chapters into that little notebook. The following night I had another dream, which helped me to write an outline for a couple more chapters and just last night, another dream put the book into a different direction – very interesting actually. I will only have to turn the outline into a proper book someday.
But isn’t just that “someday” the problem? The ideas and stories are all in my head but I never seem to find the time and peace of mind to actually focus enough of writing the actual books. I wish I could have a strong enough mind to actually win against myself and just MAKE the time – but these days… weeks… no, months, I always try to drown my feelings in keeping myself as busy as possible. And thus also keeping me away from what I love so much: writing, exploring other worlds and dimensions that somehow seem to talk to me and reach out to me.
Let’s see what the next few nights will bring – maybe the dreams will bring an answer to me. The dream last night had Lucy Lawless in it. She often seems to appear as some sort of wise guide – I guess in real life she wouldn’t talk the same way but I guess I’ll never find out. She’s living not too far away (well, we kind of live in the same part of New Zealand), but someone like her would never talk to someone like me – and it’s very, very unlikely that our paths will ever cross! But at least she, for some reason, takes on the role of a guide in dreams every now and then. And her messages are always quite good. If I manage to finish that book, I should dedicate it to her!