When I wrote my post this morning, I felt energized and positive. Now I feel like I had enough of the world, I would like to leave the place I’m currently staying at – but don’t have enough money on my bank account to do so. It feels really bad to be limited this way – and to also feel so torn about what to do.
A short summary about where I am: This is an organic gardening company, planting, packing and selling organic produce. I work here as a so-called WWOOFer, i.e. I work in exchange for accommodation (in a caravan) and food. In my current situation, I simply don’t have any other choice but to live this way. I have no home, have been kicked out of the country I love, and don’t earn enough money with writing that I could actually rent a place of my own.
The problem: In the first three weeks, this place seemed really nice. I made friends with the chickens (I love animals very much, unlike people they don’t lie to you, they don’t betray you, and don’t mind being loved). Unfortunately, this place is really bad when it comes to handling the chickens properly, i.e. they manage to get out of their area. Two of them haven’t lived in their coop since before I arrived there – and nobody cares to change a thing so everything would be alright. I actually enjoyed the company of those two. They provided me with company. They brought me happiness. And they made my stay here enjoyable. They helped me to bear with the things I don’t like about this place.
Tomorrow they will be dead. And I can do nothing about it.
They way this is handled is horrible. I don’t want to be here any more – but I have nowhere to go until the beginning of June. I already tried to contact other places, but it seems impossible to find something at such a short notice.
I know I should try to be positive and hopeful. Try to see something good in the bad, but I can’t. Sometimes you just can’t. And there’s not a single soul around I could talk to about this. I’m just a cheap worker here. That’s all.