A sad day

When I wrote my post this morning, I felt energized and positive. Now I feel like I had enough of the world, I would like to leave the place I’m currently staying at – but don’t have enough money on my bank account to do so. It feels really bad to be limited this way – and to also feel so torn about what to do.

A short summary about where I am: This is an organic gardening company, planting, packing and selling organic produce. I work here as a so-called WWOOFer, i.e. I work in exchange for accommodation (in a caravan) and food. In my current situation, I simply don’t have any other choice but to live this way. I have no home, have been kicked out of the country I love, and don’t earn enough money with writing that I could actually rent a place of my own.

The problem: In the first three weeks, this place seemed really nice. I made friends with the chickens (I love animals very much, unlike people they don’t lie to you, they don’t betray you, and don’t mind being loved). Unfortunately, this place is really bad when it comes to handling the chickens properly, i.e. they manage to get out of their area. Two of them haven’t lived in their coop since before I arrived there – and nobody cares to change a thing so everything would be alright. I actually enjoyed the company of those two. They provided me with company. They brought me happiness. And they made my stay here enjoyable. They helped me to bear with the things I don’t like about this place.

Tomorrow they will be dead. And I can do nothing about it.

They way this is handled is horrible. I don’t want to be here any more – but I have nowhere to go until the beginning of June. I already tried to contact other places, but it seems impossible to find something at such a short notice.

I know I should try to be positive and hopeful. Try to see something good in the bad, but I can’t. Sometimes you just can’t. And there’s not a single soul around I could talk to about this. I’m just a cheap worker here. That’s all.



Filed under When there is nobody to talk to

3 responses to “A sad day

  1. I’m so sorry to hear that you had to leave New Zealand and things are not working out so well in Scotland. Keep looking, keep searching, you will find the right place and do, please keep on with writing your novels. Which one do you love the most – just dust it off, get a quick first draft completed and then start the fun of editing and improving it. You owe it to your characters, and I can guarantee it will lift you out of despair to throw yourself into the world of the imagination again. Good luck, do not despair.

    • Hi there,
      thanks for your comment. Things are actually starting to look up a bit now. I will also post something about that soon (already written it offline, so I just have to copy it to WP).
      I went through my drafts and notes this morning and decided on the book I would like to complete. I also did a little bit of work on it, too. Little steps, but better than no steps at all 🙂

      • Exactly and it’s always productive when you’ve left something for a while and then go back to it. Good luck with the writing and everything else – the only way is up as they say.

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