It’s Saturday morning, it’s raining (again), and I told myself not to do any work today even though I have some articles I need to write piled up in my inbox. They can wait until tomorrow.
Books that help you
Last night, I had a bit of a low because I was at the point where some thoughts simply did not want to be ignored any longer. I wanted to find a book like The Artist’s Way, the sort of book that actually “communicates” with you, by asking you questions and giving you space to answer them, too. So I was browsing Amazon on my Kindle, but then got so sick about the dozens, or hundreds, of books about the law of attraction. It seems like the only people who profit from these books are the publishers and authors themselves. I downloaded a few sample chapters, but unfortunately Kindle samples never go far beyond the endless introductions. And each of them was the same: “I had no success, I read other books, then I had an idea, now I am all happy, here is the book to help you.” None of the books “spoke” to me. They all seemed more like “me, me, me, and look what I did” stories.
Maybe I will just go back to the Artist’s way, work through that and then also work through the two “sequels”, even though I started one of them once and did not find it as good as the original Artist’s Way. Maybe some of you know good books that are similar?
The same “old” problem
What I mainly want to achieve is to simply accept the fact that friendship is something out of reach for me. I would like to completely just give up on the “need” to talk to people about things that matter to me, to want friends. I can do Law of Attraction things as much as I want. It currently just is not possible. People here only see me as a temporary volunteer worker. After work, they are gone, and I am still here, surrounded by people who usually only stay two weeks. People who return to their friends and family after being abroad for a while. People for whom I am never more than just a gap filler.
I don’t even know yet where I will be in a couple of months. My life situation is quite stressful to me. Simply because I don’t have a regular income, I can’t afford renting my own space. That’s why I currently have to rely on finding placements with places via helpx or wwoof. I actually like the place I currently am staying at and working for – but it is all so temporary. So I would like to find a good book, something that helps me to focus on other areas, something to some sort of substitute for a true friend.
Yesterday I just felt so incredibly “lost”. I truly wish there was someone who would turn into a friend – there are some people I really like – but for them, I am not more than just a worker. I could go on and on with making “wish lists”, thinking that the law of attraction might help – but it doesn’t.